pour decisions: drinks we loved, lost & never touched again

Most people have one, you know, a drink they can’t smell, taste or even look at without being transported back to one very specific, dreadful night. Maybe it was a questionable shot, an ill-advised cocktail or a bottle that became permanently associated with a particularly poor decision.

While we’ve explored the beautiful side of flavour memories throughout this edition, not every memory is one we’d choose to revisit. So, we asked five of the brightest bartenders behind Canada’s best cocktail bars to share the drinking stories they can’t forget, even if they wish they could.

the bartender: ryan san diego (calgary, ab)
current position: bar manager, shelter cocktail bar
the drink: prairie fire shot (tequila & tabasco)

“My first industry job was at a nightclub, where I started as a busser and barback. I was incredibly gullible then, and still am, so if someone told me to drink something, I rarely asked questions.

The bartender training me insisted there was a rite of passage every new barback had to complete. I agreed without hesitation, unaware that the “shot” contained roughly one ounce of Tabasco and two ounces of tequila.

I barely swallowed it before lunging for the garbage bin behind the bar. Somehow, I managed not to throw up, although for several minutes I was convinced I might actually die. Everyone had a great laugh at my expense and, once I had recovered, so did I.

It was, in its own terrible way, my official welcome to the industry. It also taught me something that has stayed with me ever since: always ask what is in the shot, and never be afraid to say no.”

have you tried it since?

“I’ve had a proper one and don’t mind them, but I'd probably never do one blindly again.”

the bartender: H (toronto, on)
current position: bartender, xxx bar
the drink: gordon’s gin & orange juice

“My eighteenth birthday fell the day before I was due back at boarding school. I returned a day early so I could celebrate at the local pub and still be there for the start of term. It was the early 1990s, and my drink of choice was gin and orange. Far too many gin and oranges, as it turned out.

By the end of the night, I was thoroughly hammered. I got into a fight with a local, vomited all over his car, and was eventually caught by my housemaster urinating outside his door. Thankfully, because term had not officially begun, I escaped with only a warning.

The punishment arrived the following morning: a brutal hangover, a splitting headache and what became a lifelong aversion. Even now, Gordon’s Gin sends a shiver through me, bringing back the same flicker of fear and anxiety I felt that morning.”

have you tried it since?

“No.”

could we convince you to try it again?

“No.”

the bartender: a.j. roque (calgary, ab)
current position: beverage director, pr%f
the drink: long island iced teas (LIITs)

“Well, shoot. You’ve probably been to a bowling alley. You’re either at a ninth birthday party or chasing eight-dollar “mini” jugs during a Monday happy hour in Lethbridge. On this occasion, it was the latter.

I’ll keep this short, mostly because that is about how long those potent, wildly unmeasured glugs of Long Island Iced Tea pre-mix stayed down. By the fifth jug, they wanted out. Quickly.

The bowling alley had carpet. It still has carpet, actually, and apparently has never felt the need to invest in steam cleaning. So, to this day, whenever someone mentions a Long Island Iced Tea, it brings me back to the smell of that wet carpet. But oof, I still love those bastards.”

have you tried it since?

“I’m gross, so yes.”

the bartender: nicole cote (vancouver, bc)
current position: bar manager, prophecy
the drink: cheap pitchers of margaritas

“I had just turned 21, more than a decade ago, when my sister and I took a trip to Philadelphia. We quickly discovered that American pours were far more generous than the ones we were accustomed to in Canada, and we had an absolute blast putting that discovery to the test.

On our final night, we found ourselves at a dive bar sharing a couple of pitchers of cheap margaritas. The next morning, wedged into a cramped seat aboard an unusually wobbly flight home, I discovered just how unforgiving a hangover could be. I do not think I have ever felt so nauseated in my life, and the landing back in Canada seemed to be the bumpiest of all. The lesson was painfully clear: quality over quantity, especially the night before a travel day.”

have you tried it since?

“I’ve had many proper ones and don’t mind them. Honestly, in the right context, I can be convinced to try just about anything.”

the bartender: brant porter (victoria, bc)
current position: bar manager, humboldt
the drink: accidental sambuca caesar

“In late 2020 or early 2021, I visited Bartholomew’s Public House, the pub we operated, as a guest for the first time in a while. There must have been some sort of celebration happening because the manager sent over a round of flaming Sambuca shots as a gag. That part was fine. Even a little delicious.

The trouble began when the bartender, who wishes to remain anonymous and will therefore be known as Bike Borbury, fitted the Sambuca bottle with a pour spout and placed it at the far-left end of the bottle rail. This detail is important. The Sambuca bottle had the same red-and-white colour scheme as the Smirnoff bottle that normally lived in that exact spot.

Later, I ordered a Caesar. Award-winning bar icon Bike Borbury instinctively reached for the red-and-white bottle at the far left of the rail and began pouring. Unfortunately, instead of dry, neutral vodka, he added sweet, anise-heavy Sambuca to the savoury, tomato-based Canadian classic.

What arrived was the worst drink I have ever encountered. The taste of a Sambuca Caesar stays with you in much the same way as the memory of doing something profoundly embarrassing in middle school: forever, resurfacing in quiet moments when you least expect it. It took me a year or two to come back around to Caesars and anise spirits, two things I love dearly.

I can now enjoy both again, thankfully. Separately. I have no intention of ever revisiting the Sambuca Caesar. Also, since that day, our bartenders have been required to taste EVERY. SINGLE. DRINK.”

have you tried it since?

“I am now, thankfully, able to enjoy Caesars and anise again. However, I don’t think I’ll try the Sambuca Caesar again.”